staying.cool

the weirdest thing about life is that no matter how much you believe you will do something different, something unexpected… that somehow things are working out worse for you than anyone else.. eventually though, all of life is pretty much the same for each and every one of us.

the same troubles, the same worries, the same insecurities, the same issues, the same anger, the same reasons. and each one of us hit the hurdles at the same damn freakin’ time in our freakin’ lives.

almost scary.

colour me black, colour me white…
…never thought colours would be so right.

somehow, i have always thought of myself as the fella who would appreciate black and white over colour.

it is me after all. i love the ancient black and white movies. a year ago, one of the best films of the year for me was ‘good night and good luck‘. ‘casablanca’, ‘12 angry men’, ‘chalti ka naam gaadi’… these are movies that can never be recreated in colour for me; the shadow is a character all on its own.

recently, when i started populating my flickr album, a simple observation kept coming back to me.

in every one of my photos, it was the sheer colour that made me frame that particular shot. even when editing them, i found that the colour is what attracted me to the photo the most. i have a certain amount of love for depth of field (DOF), but the one theme that hit me the most from the point of view of analyzing my own photography was the colour content.

whether it was noticing the variation in the newspaper boxes, or just the leaves in the yard next to my house; or maybe even just the confetti littering the streets; colours had cried out for my attention. i wanted to capture the small things that we miss everyday, and more lovingly, i wanted the colours that we miss on a daily basis to be the highlight.

i would never have thought it. sometimes, we surprise ourselves without even knowing it.

“Mere colour, unspoiled by meaning, and unallied with definite form, can speak to the soul in a thousand different ways.” - Oscar Wilde

i remember walking down my street, across the road, around the garden, taking a random exit, turning, still walking, reaching the highway, finding my way across it, and walking along it all the way to the nearest signal.

by the end of that walk, i had decided that i could never work in an industry, live the 9-to-5 life, develop softwares that need no design, do an MBA, sit and manage people who were writing code for ‘development’. it would be an easy option, would need next to no effort, and i would earn a lot of money in the process. i would eventually retire as a VP or maybe even higher up earning possible 7 figure salaries, and never know where my potential really lie.

all those years ago, i had reached this decision, and then turned back home. i walked back all the way, past the signals, across the roads, round the garden, and down my street. by the time i had reached home, i had decided that i was going to bust my ass in research. even if my record worked well against me for such pursuits.

it has been a while. i have had more than my fair share of rejects. i took up a masters to get the requisite background in biomedical engineering. i nearly went for a second masters. i tried to do research and studies, and surprised myself in how much i enjoyed it. all to ensure i would be able to do a doctorate eventually.

now, i am.

i finally am.

as of 2 days ago, it  has been a year since i came to the USA.

it isn’t the first time i’ve been away from home… or even the first for going abroad. in some ways, i was pretty sure that life was going to be a tad similar to the bachelor’s life i’ve been leading for the last two years.

it has been anything but.

so many things have happened over the last one year, and in so many ways, i could also say so many things that i have seen before have happened. i would prefer to focus on the novel, which may not be so very novel after all. some of my famed cynicism has been sadly lost, or maybe so much of my cynicism has been laid dormant. life is not an endless litany of frustration anymore, or even a constant quest ‘to solve the problem of these long winter evenings’.

cynically speaking, i know that i don’t really have the subject matter here to reminisce about.. those posts are getting a little bit predictable from me. the whole description of all the fun i’ve had, the people i’ve met, random mentions of incidents that make one smile.. and conclude on the happy note.

i’d rather leave with a thought: its been the first of many more to come.

why is it some people don’t talk when they should ? can almost be said to be afraid of talking ? baring one’s soul isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but oh-so-often it is the simplest way to solving everything. the fact is that appearing vulnerable is not a sin, and 99% of the time it is the quickest route to getting your point across.

ironically, these people never listen either.

then, of course, you have those who won’t stop talking… even if they should have at the age of three.

overcast skies, clouds flit, a dampness tinges the air. i awoke in the morning to a dreary day. rain falling between heavy and a drizzle. it seemed fairly typical of new jersey. sunny in the morning, snow in the afternoon. warmth yesterday, heavy rain today.

incidental to all this, i reflected about how i’d commented that rain in the US was irritating. wet enough to dampen you, but not heavy enough to warrant a raincoat. i took off to my uncles’, the rain wasn’t so bad.

however, 7 hours later, when i left.. it had built itself up into a fury. quite the torrential rainstorm. i hit route 1, and it decided to peak for the day. or so i thought. ramming down on the windshield, visibility was at low enough that the car ahead was visible with a squint. and then, traffic.

so very much like back home. the rain pouring down, the traffic, horns, the snail pace of the snaking line.. and eventually you realise that you’re not going to move anytime today. an exit was nearby, and was taken,. a phone call later, i was winding my way back towards an alternate route. the spate increased. windshield wipers now on the highest setting, and yet, it never seemed as though the rain was out of your face.