Saying a lot, saying a little… who cares?
Posts tagged silly
of savita and sacrilege
Mar 15th
Posted by SEV in staying.general
‘Tis a little hard to come up with a good way of intro-ing topical posts, while including my own snarkiness in the mix.
Nevertheless, here goes nothing.
It sort of splits up.. oh, you’ll see.
************************************
The infamous Savita Bhabhi was moved to the more focused Kirtu.com. Yes, focused. Only pr0n comics of Indian origin. The market has been created, it is now time to really take advantage of it. Eh?. 
What will it cost me?
For all our loyal fans, we have worked out a very special offer today. If you signup this month, you can become a Kirtu.com exclusive member for only 9.95$ a month. This offer will only be available for the first 100 members, so hurry. Once this offer is over, new members will have to pay 15$ per month.
[Link]
Yes, its paid. Paid. The desperation of the average Indian male may convince him to loosen his purse strings, while he loosens his pants.
They even have “sneak peek” comics on the front page for those of us who want to make sure that Savita’s “class” has not been lowered (or raised, depending on your POV) as a result of asking us to pay for it.
This paywall happened over 2 months ago. Well before all the hoopla regarding partial feeds recently. That they’ve not taken down the paywall probably means that at least a few people have shelled out. And thats all it takes to keep the site running, really.
After all, how many ads can you target to the average desperate f*ck?
That’s rhetoric, stop answering. And no, I’ve not subscribed. I wouldn’t have even if the Mrs didn’t exist. I prefer my pr0n to be free.
At the other extreme of India, f
rom a couple of months back, the front page of TOI that is alongside stares at me in the face.
[Link to TOI, TOI.com article]
Lets see. There was once this guy who decided to petition that photo ID cards need not have proper photos of the person being ID-ed.
He told people around him, and they agreed that it was a good idea. He then petitioned.
Nobody tried to reason with him that the EC and High Court judgments already made on the matter multiple times actually made sense. Due to the beauty of democracy, he was allowed to file petition and waste the Supreme Court’s time with the matter.
His argument?
Counsel for petitioner M Ajam Khan had contended that asking ‘purdah-nashin’ women to lift their veil for being photographed would amount to sacrilege as their photographs would be seen by many men working as polling agents and electoral officers.
Well truly. Women’s passport IDs being seen by men. Sacrilege indeed.
The SC told him to stop acting like an idiot, and think about what he’s asking them to agree to. Which resulted in:
When the petitioners again insisted on protection of the religious sentiments, the bench said: “If someone comes to vote in a burqa and the photograph was also taken with a veil covering the face, how would anyone identify the voter?’’ Explaining that right to vote was only a statutory right and not a fundamental right, it said: “Right to contest an election is an extension of the right to vote. Can anyone contest an election saying a photograph of her face be not taken?”
[Emphasis mine]
To me that last underline is a goldmine. Imagine, if you will, the world where burqa-clad women can vote with burqa-clad IDs for burqa-clad women who are standing for office.
We’ll never know who won and due to whose vote. Ever.
Actually, that may be an improvement to what we have now. Just sayin’
************************************
And thus:
Savita Bhabhi walks into the voter office, wearing a burqa (Why? The first four times she left the house unclad – without a burqa, perverts – she ended up with (in order): the milkman, the sweeper, the man at the corner waiting for a bus, and the bus conductor. Realizing that the only way out is to ensure that the average Indian is not titillated more than necessary, she adopts her “disguise”). The voting officer won’t let her vote without removing the burqa. Savita resists. He insists. She resists more. He insists more. She gives in, misunderstands, and takes off the entire ensemble, burqa and all. The officer yields to baser instincts and the polling booth cover, for a change, houses two people for a while. Unknown to her, the polling booth camera films the whole sequence. Which is then sold on the internet via Kirtu.com for $10 a month. Meanwhile the SC has to contend with the plethora of cases petitioning to allow no heterosexual acts in voting booths as it would amount to sacrilege, even if the woman in question is Savita.
Savita is just sad that voting happens once every 5 years. Piracy is easiest to combat when new content can be released on a regular basis. There are only so many milkmen, neighbors, and cousins that one can take advantage of.
Meanwhile, a frighteningly large number of voting officers are hit on by homosexuals. For god knows what reason. Maybe just because they can.
Actually, making Savita the poster girl for encouraging voting (Savita saying “I voted”, while licking her thumb) might be one of the more brilliant ideas I may have had.
dhinak dhinak din-dainik tamasha!
May 12th
Posted by SEV in staying.general
Hello everyone, and welcome to ‘Dainik Tamasha’. Please welcome Jaan Satwinder!
[Woman of indeterminate age, dressed in a sari, walks in. Namaste to audience while keeping every part of her body and head covered - just in case.]
Hello everyone! Before we begin the show I would like to inform anyone who still watches this show after it has been off-air for 10 weeks that the Dainik Tamasha has nothing whatsoever to do with ‘The Daily Show‘. For one, the name of the show and the host are different, as is the color of the background, and we will definitely not talk about any news broadcasts in a disparaging manner. Well, not any more anyway. After our first episode, we were sued by all the newschannels for using their own footage to appreciate the news. I have to say ‘appreciate’ because I got sued personally when I said ‘made fun of’ the last time. I should not have brought up Barkha Dutt during the Mumbai attacks, Rakhi Sawant’s slap or even pigeons as examples of the fine reporting in India.
A humble request is being made to Comedy Central: please don’t sue us. Or take out ads disclaiming intellectual property on the matter. You should know by now that intellect has little to do with Indian television. Another extended break while the courts put a stay order on the show, have a stay order put on the first one, then have a preliminary hearing in which a stay order is put on putting stay orders… will mean we cannot attract advertisers to sell key catch phrases like the IPL. If you do have to sue (not like Aparna sewing machines, where things once sown must be worn) us anyway, our lawyer is availabe via SMS at any time. Text ‘WLSU 1′ for damages of 1 million, ‘WLSU 2′ for 2 million, and so on to 38434687.
Anyway onto our first segment, ‘Rajneeti Mein Rajya Kam’. Votes have been made by the most important people: all the Khans, their children as well as the Big Bs. We eagerly await results of voting by Feroz Khan and Raj Kapoor.
[muffled yelling on anchor's headphone]
My apologies, those people are dead or presumed missing. However they probably still exist on voter lists around the country, and probably proxy-voted for by 10 year old Rampyaari. Given such awesome voting mechanisms, it is little wonder that..
[scuffling sounds from outside the studio, yelling on headset]
Hold on, someone appears to have stormed our show…
[yelling as big crowd breaks stuff and rampages in]
[Leader of pack] “Aye, yeh sab band karo! Kya chal raha hai idhar? Mujhe bahar sab sunayi de raha tha, tum desh ki sanskriti ko badnaam kar rahe the. Pata hai desh mein aadmi-aadmi shaadi karne lage hain, lekin aurat toh ghar mein rehni chahiye. Kitna achcha tha apna desh, jab yahan computers bhi nahi the.. ”
[Screen goes blank. Tata Sky poster ad comes on, with voice-over by anchor]
Sorry for the interruption. Please note that with Tata Sky there can be no interruptions. Given the chance of legal/destructive action, I am retracting what I just said, and re-affirming faith in the Indian voting system that needs proof that you are not dead to let you vote, and more importantly needs you to exist in myriad Government ledgers – which is somehow easily done by millions of fake voters. Remember the Indian government needs to ensure that you are not a parallel dimensional being or an alien attempting to take over an Indian’s body.
We will attempt to continue in a few weeks time. We apologize for the inconvenience.
Not as good as I was hoping. To be continued..
