I try to say a lot while saying very little. Get used to it.
Posts tagged new year
the year it all started changing
Dec 31st
Posted by SEV in staying.thoughts
That sums up how I see 2009.
Consider if you will: Engagement. Proposal (to the missus, and to my PhD committee). Those each warrant as epochal all on their own.
They are overshadowed in my mind by what is to happen in 2010.. so this post may seem a little distracted.
I’ve seen “at the end of this decade” posts galore. Movies. Books. Events. Photos. Music. Acting. Games. Comics. You name it. Somehow this decade appears to need a lot of summing up. I had some things I wanted to sum up too.. all from my own point of view. I don’t know if I’ll ever get round to doing it.
My own current post remains to be about the year just past though. ‘Engagement’ and ‘Proposal’ do a fair job of summing it up majorly, as I’ve mentioned. Minorly… I actually have to go back to archives to see what “minor” events are there to talk about. This year saw a lot of me talking about how I have nothing to talk about. And that there are a lot of things I want to talk about, but am too lazy to blog about. I started talking more “tech” too – in fact, my frustration with my (nearly dead) HP laptop has been the cynosure of a lot of eyes recently. I have learnt some degree of photography and I have to take it more seriously if I don’t want it to languish like so many other things (like this blog). I’ve written a lot more about movies than ever before. Pretty much summed up/reviewed/critiqued every movie I’ve seen this year. Which reminds me that ‘Paa’ is decent, ‘3 Idiots’ is fun and ‘Sherlock Holmes’ is awesome due to RDJ.
See what I mean?
Personally – there have been drastic changes. A lot of which have happened without me realizing it explicitly. Nothing for the bad, as a lot of them are due to the missus… but when I sit back and think about it now, it feels… strange. Awefome, but strange. I may have mentioned this before, but growing up is something I always thought happened like a superhero changing into his costume – some kind of illuminating flash, and you’re knowledgeable in some new way. It is almost wondrous to realize that you’ve learnt stuff without the flash of illuminating light, that you’ve grown up, that people see you as ‘grown up’. At least to some extent. I do still read comic books after all.
As said in my movie of the year (for which I have pretty much gotten the dialogue by rote): “Aife aife kaife kaife ho gaya…aur kaife kaife aife aife ho gaya.”
Have a good ‘un, all. A great ‘un lurks around the corner.
speeding past
Dec 31st
Posted by SEV in staying.thoughts
another new year: one set of words to sum-up time past, another set of words to try and forecast what might happen in the year to come.
past years have each had unique revelations (try as i might i cannot get that word right). i have felt alone, i have felt excited, i have felt sadness, i have felt the even rocking of a boat sailing on. i can’t say that this year was the even rocking that i realized last year, this was the year that i hit 25. it was the year that i have had 4 publications. meaning that when i search for myself on google, i don’t just find this page and some other random hits. a more professional recognition exists, something i felt most when i made an oral presentation in front of peers and superiors in my field of work. i got to “attend” and experience conferences in all their glory. i realized just how much a phd excites me. how much research can mean; spending long hours in the lab trying to figure out something other people don’t know about. yes, i am starting to realize what a professional career is.
personally speaking, i found time is passing me by at speeds well over the limit. friends got married: so many of them that i’ve stopped counting. people grew older, yes, even those people who are not supposed to. i tripped around the US, and realized some significant things about myself and some very significant people in my life. every year heralds important developments in one’s life – uninteresting considering that there are 365 days for things to happen. that said, i foresee some very interesting developments in 2009. for example, we may see the introduction of capital letters (gasp!) on regular posts that happen on this blog. i have come up with some ideas that i want to try out, such as writing more intelligibly, more creatively and more often.
i sit now to think about everything that happened in the last year, expectedly, some incidents are embellished almost indelibly in my memory: giving a presentation, meeting people who are gods in my field, watching my mom eat cotton candy in disneyworld the way i did 14 years ago, living the new york work-life (albeit only for a week), watching independence day fireworks, falling in love with a car all over again, hanging out with some of my oldest friends. the rest of the year is a blur, it sped past while i tried to enjoy the moments that make it up.
which eventually speed by as i try to realize the next set of moments.
have an awesome new year. because there is no charge for awesomeness. or attractiveness.
another one goes by
Dec 31st
Posted by SEV in staying.thoughts
this time, of course, celebrating the new year seems to be less important, and the fact that i’m home kinda kicks it in the balls.
the highlight of the year was actually officially knowing that my dream of a phd is turning into a part of my reality. that a goal i decided on a long time ago is finally getting done. knowing you are on a path to fulfill a childhood dream has a specialness all to itself. this is, of course, second to the dream wherein i wanted to be six feet tall at some point in my life (which i succeeded in as well).
the lowlight of the year was the destruction of my car, my laptop and, less importantly, all semblance of a life. quick on the heels of this came the realization that the first of any possession has an emotion associated with it, that cannot be easily replaced. however, the life factor is made up for due to the reason it ceases to exist.
the fact remains that i still sit in a driver’s seat today and can visualize that one moment.
now, i sit back, and think up the plans i have for the year ahead. there are too many, and there is too much i have to do. life is quickly starting to speed up, getting a move on would be a good idea.
it would also be a good idea to have a happy new year. whatever you may be going through, its good to remember that a new year is around the corner. its good to celebrate it. however you end up celebrating it.
its still a new year.
whatever that is supposed to mean.
a year past, a year present
Jan 2nd
Posted by SEV in staying.thoughts
one minute before the hand of the clock moved to its zenith position on december the 31st of two thousand and six, a familiar feeling struck me. deja vu, in a way. try as i might, i couldn’t shake it off. nevertheless, company dictated the plastered smile on my face, the mandatory shaking of hands all round, hugs, and as much joy as i could muster.
i was then witness to one of the most awesome displays of fireworks that i have seen in a long time… whatever i did exhibit, i hid behind a camera. i tried to unsuccessfully capture a moment that was supposedly significant. for some reason, at the end of it all there was a certain hollowness to it all. for some reason, it was lost on me.
somehow, over the last 2 years, the glow, the sheen, the gloss of new year celebrations have faded. i see it for the excuse of a celebration that it has become. a lot of people either get very drunk in celebrating a great year past, or drown their disappointment in a year better forgotten. i’m not sure where i fall, an element of jadedness seems to have penetrated my very core.
i had the joy attached to my oldest sister getting married, and then took a long-deserved break. i suffered a lack of motivation, then a trough of frustration… finally sinking in the sadness of my grandfather finally attaining peace that he long deserved. i indulged myself in many activities that i hadn’t – gaming, movies, music, tv, reading, inactivity. i found my path to the united states rocky, managing a long awaited trip to some part of europe – namely switzerland – a trip that i will be long thankful for in more ways than one. i rediscovered the joy of home, before embarking on the second leg of a journey i have been on for a while : a doctorate degree. america was eye-opening in more ways than one: i found reason, inspiration, companionship and so much more here. challenges that i have lacked for a while made a comeback, as well as an old devil of self-doubt. to be fair, a lot of the cynicism i suffered from has been alleviated since i made my big move to the states: the lack of inactivity has made a marked difference.
one of the few things that brings a smile to my face at the end of it all is how i’ve discovered the true meaning and value of friends and family. i’ve discovered some amazing people in the last year, re-affirmed others, and found relationships where i thought there were none. it is probably the biggest lesson i take away from it all. in addition to the one thats even bigger – ’shit happens. get used to it.’
not exactly a roller-coaster of a year, pretty much the even keel of the slow rocking of a boat. i can’t exactly leave the year with a frown, or a tear, or a smile. it passed, it was.
2007 has much expectation attached even now, but at the same time i can feel the fact that at the end of it, it too will just have been another year. i will be older at the end of it, maybe wiser, hopefully just as childish, probably still cynical and definitely still looking for the purpose of it all.
welcome, 2007. i think.
happy new year
Jan 1st
Posted by SEV in staying.thoughts
when the new year started about 8 hours ago.. the street party i was in erupted in celebration. it was a literal force of noise that slammed out of possibly 2000 people screaming at the top of their lungs. ushering in the new year.
funnily enough, i barely did.
i did scream, but i stopped. long before anyone else did. well within, i was missing something. i couldn’t quite define it.. i still can’t. all i knew was that it wasn’t there.
i remember reflecting over the events of the past year. a lot has happened.. a lot of it life-changing.
as always it barely seems possible that so much has happened so fast.. but i guess thats something you say every new year.
and suddenly a thought entered my head.
what are we celebrating ?
is it the end of a year ? the start of a new one ?
it happens every year.. even seems a long time while it lasts but, in a few years, you barely remember it at all anyway. in fact, if you think about it, there barely seems to be a lot to celebrate about.
work/college/school will start again.. the grind. life goes on. we remember that another year is passing. time is flying away even as we realise it. and there’s really not much we’re doing with it right now.
somehow there seems to be nothing to really look forward to. another day. another hour. another year.
happy new year, by the way.
does the system work ?
Jan 1st
Posted by SEV in staying.thoughts
hmmm..god, religion, belief, faith…
love.
weird how they all get interconnected in our heads..and we have to keep confusing them up.
thats also sad.
but according to the “religions” out there, all of these entities are supposed to be the same.
the same.
yeah. right.
they are all interconnected for sure. they all have effects and bearings on each other as well.
but they can’t be the same. they can’t all represent the same entity. or even different facets of one entity.
we need something called God(or “superior power”) just to remind ourselves that we are not the be-all and end-all of existence. that this world is bigger than all of us. that the universe has existed without us in it earlier. and will continue after we move on.
we need to know that there will be something that will remain through the ages. before us. after us. because there is no other reason for us to believe that everything matters. that there is a point to all that happens in this world. that there is an answer to the why.
i am not saying that this is the answer. it points us towards the answer.
religion is supposed to be the path to God. the key word here is “supposed”. its gone off the path. the idea behind it has gotten lost in all the crap that’s come in. and frankly, to me today, it has lost meaning. one will find one’s own path when the time comes.
that sounds extremely preachy. damn.
and finally, the belief and faith part of it.
and the questions i asked last time.
can one afford to lose the faith ever ? whatever the circumstances ?
i don’t know.
i have found myself doubting so many of the things that i have been taught by my family. i have also found it funny that no-one has ever asked ‘why’ for so many things.
the most typical answer: “you don’t ask why for some things”
and that doesn’t work.
about all those affected, my saying anything does not make sense. i am not in their circumstances, and cannot ever imagine their feelings. i can only hope at some point of time they realize that life still goes on. that being human, they have the ability to survive. and that means that there is a reason for it all.
and so one has to continue to believe in life.
and so live.
i needed to get that out of my system.
i hope the new year brings in the many hopes, feelings and qualities that the world has lost. and also that the world doesn’t lose what it has now.
ever.
happy new year everyone !
laterz
