staying.cool

“Why can’t we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn’t work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.” - Snoopy
Brother, really gonna miss you.. have no idea.. luv.. study well and take care. save up on money.. i need to loot you when i come there in summer..hehe..

in many ways, the perfect response to what i wrote about partings. no offense to anyone else who responded there.. but the resonance is too great to merit a simple reply there. i had to make a post of it.

funny that snoopy has similar thoughts. and sad that one has to realise that life is more about parting than coming together. that sucks.

i’m guessing this is why we’re bro n sis

and as far as the looting goes, we’ll see. an n70 wasn’t enough ?

love you, babe. and miss you more than you know.
and of course, mr. schulz. for that statement.

i’ve always hated saying goodbye.

most importantly, i’ve really hated saying goodbye at the airport.

funny.

there have been times when i have gone to the train station 4 days in a row to bid adieu. there were times when, regardless of everyone else, i would be there for that final wave.
but, never, never the airport.

it seems too… final.

trains are always so much more specific. departure, or arrival, happen right there, right then; most of the time. you watch them pull away waving, having ensured that they have everything that they could need for a journey. a bit of final satisfaction. airports seem to leave the statement incomplete, so to speak.

i stood at the visitors barrier today at terminal 2C. the final moments i would get to spend with people who cared enough to stay up at 4 am. just to say goodbye. the jokes, the banter, the advice. and then.. all at once it was time to leave. the final shake, the final hold, the final hug. my second goodbye in a month. to people who mean the world to me. i had to turn and walk away. pursuing my dream, i thought.. at the cost of reality that i loved.

i stood in the immigration queue when it hit me. i was leaving again. in the last 2 years i have said more farewells than ever before.. but i’m still not used to the feeling. do i really want to be ?
and this was one of those times when you don’t know when you’re going to see everyone again. a year ? two ? more ? how many people end up leaving and forgetting to come back every now and then ? would i be one of them ?
so many people completely disappear from the hemispheres of people they think they will spend the rest of their lives with. and meet once in 5 years. which has to be the worst result of them all.

for a moment then, time seemed to stand still. the last one month, the sudden arrival, the dreaded (in a way) departure… and the sheer number of moments you always treasure - it all came rushing back. life suddenly seemed based in the short intervals of india that i have had in the last few years… rather than life itself.

yet another goodbye means yet another welcome. and thats whats going to keep me going. for now.

originally written on the 22nd, posting today for various reasons.

i sit in a plane this saturday morning, and i think back to a saturday afternoon nearly two years ago; when i tentatively poked my head out of a similar aircraft. i look out the window, across the two seats separating me from them… and see an airport that looks the same.

it seems like yesterday.

as cliched as it may sound, it was a rare bright sunny day when i landed in aberdeen all those months ago; and i remember coming out of an airport wondering what i would find. i remember being struck by the classic scottish scenery, and looking at the winding roads as i rode to a hostel that i had been told about by a guy i was yet to meet. and today, here i am, having explored nearly everything there is to see in this place.
today i don’t know when i will come back. but come back i will. someday.

so many things have happened to me here over the last two years. and all those memories come back now. the life my friends and i led as independent students. struggling together those initial weeks. none of us knowing much, but not wanting to appear clueless. finding out exactly how clueless. looking for part-time jobs. celebrating when we got them. me, actually finding out how every minute in an hour can be valuable enough to earn the five pounds.

starting this space as recreation, and finding the outlet that i may have been looking for. finding people who can relate to it all. finding how weird daylight timings can really be so funny. or so depressing. celebrating that first diwali. marvelling at our first white christmas. a chaotic new year. realising why poets go into raptures over spring. summer, and the real aberdeen finally coming into view. road-tripping for the first time, and discovering one of the most beautiful countries in the world at our doorstep. finally attending rahman’s live concert.
and suddenly my course was over. we were all, technically, “done”.

heading back home for the first time in year since i came to the UK. realising just how much i missed it all. graduation. discovering london. experiencing the coldest winter in 50 years in scotland. and the hottest summer. both seasons the longest possible. road-tripping again, this time trying to see everything. applying for a US visa, to go the next step.
and i’ve finally got it. i’ve spent 2 long weeks winding up. and i’m going home. before i go away again.

all these months later, i think of the things we did. we worried. we looked. we applied. we lived it up. we lived it down. we wondered what would happen to all of us next. we watched movies. celebrating everything under the sun. discussed why that porn star did “it” that way. as well as about the principles of economics. and theology. relating all three topics. i remember going from hopeful and focussed to frustrated and cynical… and finding i was never alone.

we were like a family. we said it jestingly, but thats what we were. there for each other. all the fucking time. and once you’ve seen a guy in his underpants, there’s not much left to hide. and i know we guys will probably always be there together, all the fucking time. docboy, with his gentle smile and that nod of understanding. probably completely corrupted the poor chap’s vocab. richybaba and his practical attitude.. love it or hate it: you have to accept it. i’ve never wanted to throttle someone more. and get away with it. dhiru showing his drive, and mostly irrefutable logic. and one person who cusses even worse than me. i learnt :). toro, or “william”, getting things done, cooking up a storm. one of the guys you’ll be lucky to meet, luckier to be friends with. all of them. i could just go on about the times spent together; the parties, the craziness, the joy, the frustration… life.

and yet there were so many more. ashwin, a gentle giant of a man. bijay and the widest smile i’ve ever seen. lakshmi, her cherubic face. rajiv, a fellow movie addict. mithun, a dude who just hits it off with everyone. the list continues. subrato, a crazy depth of so much.. and crazier about so much more. kunal, ashay, neha, bharat, rajesh(s), harsh… and others - all of us coming together in our little highland city of aberdeen.

i know i’m going to miss it all. a lot. its become like another hometown. the beauty of granite. westburn park; one of those places you never get enough of. the beach: two degress colder than the coldest water you can expect. union street, the VSA charity bookshop (the cheapest books ever !), ASDA, Morrisons, the sprawling campus of my uni, my homes at urquhart road and seaforth road, our “own” merc showroom… and so much much more. its finally sinking in now. its finally over.

its finally goodbye aberdeen.
i’m going to miss you.