Posts tagged feelings

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a random emotional sequence in the movie running on the screen in front of me, and tears fight to come out. there is nothing significant about the scene, or even the movie… there is a little girl, and she misses her mom. i can feel her a little too acutely for my own comfort.

the plane takes off from dubai. the final leg of my journey back… i remain stunned at the entire cornucopia that is developing here. i am at the favoured window seat now. the tallest building in the world towers over a cityscape rivaling new york, but it is yet unfinished. the palm islands and the mini-world are being filled in, i watch the sand spurt from the ships surrounding the land that is being created. my grief is momentarily forgotten as i gaze in awe at what is unfolding below me. unbidden, the significance of yet another take-off sinks in. i can’t look anymore. the movie is restarted, i continue watching to get my mind off everything else.

i am continually distracted by the sights outside. it s a beautiful day over bandar abbas, i see the desert expanded below me… an empty old wrinkly canvas speckled with clouds. i see mountains rising out of it, ridged, lying in strange swirly patterns. i sit for a long time just looking out the window: imagining why, wondering what they are at ground level. i see snow capped peaks, then cleared land… but mostly just the wild african desert.

brown mountains are replaced with white; first the clouds lie over them, later the snow layers them… the land below changes into one that is more white than brown. the plane rises, the land is left below… i ascend to a higher sea of clouds, even the sun seems to be below me on the far horizon. the man next me sleeps on, oblivious to the beauty we bypass, cramping me ever so little. i have seen business class while boarding, i wish i could sit there with the large LCDs and almost-LaZBoy.i see cities, lakes, roads all etched in the expanse of the desert… somehow not swallowed by the vast area they lie in. at times, they appear as mere outlines, at other times more than permanent. we humans certainly believe in survival.i open the cubbyhole of the window. the clouds are a blur, it looks like we are going fast, faster… too fast. snowflakes have been crushed against the window; the frost forms weird, strange fractals on the glass. if i didn’t know better, i’d say the glass was coming apart.

i watch as a kid on the seat nearby is picked up, and is stripped as his diaper is changed. he is gazing at his progenitors silently, they examine him minutely as though afraid he is disintegrating, he likes the attention, his face breaks into the innocent smile only seen on the very young.

the lack of company seems to make this flight interminable. there are no major changes in the entertainment since i flew 3 weeks ago, most of the channels bore me. somehow, the anticipation last time seemed to speed things up, rather than slow them down as is normal. i go back to perusing ‘maximum city’, even as i await my arrival at another.

i call for a drink of juice, the appearance is almost instant… the genie of the air-hostess appearing and disappearing before i can even think of what i want. it feels awesome, this service in the air, as though one is ruler of the skies themselves.

i dare to look out the window, the sun is blisteringly bright… after the calm semi-darkness of the cabin, it is way too bright. i see icelands go past beneath us; the display tells me we are curving over antithetically named greenland. my destination is close, being on firm land… getting back to the life i have chosen for myself over the next few years should help the pangs of homesickness that assail me.

or so i tell myself. i know this is more, i have realized i will only ever be happy there. home.

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