staying.cool

not the show, the people.

a PSP ! these guys are beautiful.

as a side note, on my 25th birthday i’ve received candy, comics and a PSP. i guess i’m not growing up. and been stunned to silence twice.  the other time… i’ll think about telling you guys about it

…however cliched that may sound.

25 is supposedly big. as a very wise man said: ‘its never too late or too early to be 25. One fine day, you just are 24 no more.‘ 25 is an age that you think of as far away. you tend to state a lot of things as going to be done by 25. as a kid, its the age of deadlines. i’ll be an astronaut by 25. superman must be 25. its the age that is somehow associated with things having been done. studies. a partner. a job. a million dollars.  i would now supposedly be considered a mature adult. the next 5 years are supposed to run away with themselves, and you’re 30 before you know it. i can look back at a quarter century of existence now, i can vaguely remember dreams i have had in the last 25 years.

i wanted to be over 6 feet tall. check. i should be on track for a million dollars. doubtful. someone special should at least be on the horizon. lets see. i should have answers to a lot of questions. i have a lot more questions now. work should be part of my life. i’m technically still studying. i used to think about doing an mba. i’m doing a phd. writing should be a part of my life. check. the kid in me should not have any complaints. comics, action figures, candy. check. writing this should be easy. anything but. i’ve always wanted to be different. i can only hope so.

it has been an interesting 25 years. i’m guessing any period of time over a day can’t be anything but interesting eventually anyway. i have my fair share of regrets. i have more than my fair share of high points too. i may not be living up to the potential that i used to demonstrate. i’ve learnt the rule of keeping on going no matter what works. i have faced some of my worst fears, and learnt the simple way of dealing with them. i’ve learnt opinions, beliefs and dreams are things that are completely personal. i’ve found out about how fragile and how strong a relationship can be at the same time. i’ve adopted cynicism and sarcasm as a way of life, and i’m liking it. i’m hoping that i don’t turn into the kind of 25+ year olds i have seen. i have realized some unchangeable home truths about myself: my geekiness, my relative unflappability, my insomnia, my anglophilia… and more.

i want to come up with a final statement, a fitting conclusion. but 25 is less a time to conclude, more a time to speed up. i see the year zooming by already. the question of how epochal a year it can be  is still up for grabs though.

one form of 26 is hitting already. i’m now 25 years and 26 hours old.

its not very often that you realise how important people are to you.. and then get overwhelmed realising how important you are to them.
and so, why they are so very important.
being in raptus is probably an understatement to describe my feelings about today. it has been more than special.. it has been one of the best ever.

i really don’t want to say more, i think its weird enough that i’ve been ecstatic this long.

there could be no better way to turn 24. except maybe realising that next year is going to be… 25.

to someone who may not be having the greatest birthday so far - happy birthday, marie !

hmmm.. reality faced me on the 21st of january.

which was incidentally my birthday.

a birthday is meant to be a day of celebration.. a day that you have fun.. a day to refresh yourself, to give yourself strength for a new year ahead.
and yet, mine was more a day of realization for me.

from the presents and wishes that i got from my family, to the greetings and mails from my friends; to the comments i got on the blog: each and every one was an eye-opener for me.
i realized that i affect people's lives.
i change the way people think. people feel. even the way they live.

its a theory that i have long expounded on this blog.
but not one that i have seen in real life, in such a major way.
friends, family, acquaintances, soulmates.. all of them showed me that i matter to them. that i have made a difference in each of their lives. in some small way.
in some small way.
and yet, i never really realised it.

that small way was enough to make big differences in each of their lives.

and that's when i realised that i too had been affected by them, that all of them had also made differences in my life. they have changed the way i think, the way i behave, the way i feel, even the way i live.
amazing.

life is supposed to be a mesh of connections that we form whenever we connect with someone, or even something. the invisible connections that bind us all together are still strong. they are still quivering with the many thoughts that bind us.

and this is still happening. even now. this minute. this second. one is actually being formed between you and me.

i could feel the mesh alive and vibrant around me, stimulating me, enlivening me on that day.
it was like getting reborn.

thank you to all those who've given me back my faith in your own way. you know who you are, and the connection between us will remain as strong as ever.

the best part is that it showed me that life is still worth it. there is a better chance of there being a point to it all.

at least, i have hope.