Archive for July, 2008

blowing up. and over.

Jul 28th

india has been victim to a blast roughly every 2 months for the last 2 years. the blasts are happening more frequently now, and more blasts have being threatened by those who have done it. in 2008 alone: rampur, u.p. – terrorist attack. jaipur, rajastan – 8 blasts in 12 minutes. bangalore, karnataka – 9 blasts in 14 minutes. ahmedabad, gujarat – 17 blasts. the word ‘blasts’ seems innocuous now.

as i write this post i keep checking the news sites as i write, dreading another news item. greatbong pretty much summarized it. we live in india with terror as a way of life. people praise the ’spirit’. the ‘resilience’. the ability for people to get up after an explosion and keep moving. live life as though nothing has happened. is it really worthy of praise? we talk over dinner, mention the fact that [city] is already back on its feet. we make statements with a quiet pride about how quickly people were back to work, back to running around their daily routine, back to life.

seriously?

we talk about how nothing has been done. how the system has not managed to get anything done for any of the victims. how none of the criminals have been caught. that this is why people have learnt to keep moving on from one blast to the next. we deride the lack of effort taken by the police, the politicians, the press, anyone. we say that we in india have no spine, we do not care enough, that we are not fit to do anything about anything. and then we continue eating and start discussing ‘the dark knight’. i do this all time, and every time i finish it hits me like a body blow.

Read On… »

does india no longer care? does india believe that things blowing up is a way of life? terrorists email their threats, pose open challenges to the indian government. they threaten retaliation for real and imagined incidents. incidents that have already taken the lives of hundreds of thousands. affected millions, scarring them beyond recognition. what does the blast achieve? further retaliation by another extremist politico-religious party so that they can take power and ensure that all retaliation is forgiven?

we decry the fact that the western world is so paranoid. that america took the excuse of a WTC to blow up countries. that the UK check-in is insanely security conscious. that the swiss are stupid in their immigration procedures. that they are finally tasting what india goes through every day. india is reaping the fruits of what? trying to be democratic and secular? trying to exist as a country that actually respects religion, caste, creed and race?

but, given the reaction to the attacks, there is a vague sense of security in these countries today. yes, the danger is still there – i don’t think that can go away until terrorists are annihilated (which they never can be because there’s always someone who disagrees with what is going on and is willing to kill to fight for it. its called revolution, and is not the subject of this post). i digress. india maintains its sense of security by getting through each day as ‘another day survived’.

we discuss solutions: a military state. throwing people out. educating people. nuking pakistan. and eventually reach the conclusion that the problems are way too many to be surmounted. dinner then continues. this probably happens at every level of government in india. problems are attempted to be solved, and eventually are put aside for later. every solution brings with it a fresh set of problems that need to be solved. solutions end up bordering on the extreme (e.g. throw them all out, kill anyone who doesn’t want them to be thrown out. ensure that all new threats result in death). a beginning is never made for fear of the eventual ending.

like so many other things we end up getting apathetic to what happens in the country. reservation quotas were set up, people protested, ‘inquilab’ supposedly came back, and eventually it all died a natural death. currently reservation quotas are being rolled out. people get agitated about anything, and eventually give up on everything.

meanwhile india keeps getting blown up. though every blow doesn’t stop her moving, there will come the day she can move no more.

at that point, there will be nothing left to blow up. or blow over.

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felt, frustration, india, terror attacks

gese

Jul 25th

Posted by SEV in staying.in.my.head

3 comments

When it started we were alright
But night makes a fool
of us in the daylight

sitting back. headphones in place. the strumming should come from your fingers, but it echoes in your head nonetheless. you look at the the screen in front of you. its getting boring. you’ve been looking at it for a while now. seven hours is a long time. you think you hear something. headphones off, walk around. nothing. the place is dead. there’s no-one around. motion sensor lights come back on as you walk past them, one doesn’t. you move back and forth to get its attention, this is unfortunate… a motion sensor won’t recognize your existence. and this matters to you.

have you become so mundane that you are considered part of the background ?

the final light flickers on.

So up they picked me by the big toe
I was held from the rooftop then they let go
Dizzily screaming ‘Let the windows down’
As I crawl to the ground

you want to yell. you want to scream. you want to be seen. you want to be known. thats why you’re here. you don’t want to be nothing. you don’t want to be forgotten in the debris. you don’t know what you can do to make sure you are never the muck. you are tired of being the shadow. you don’t want to be lost in the night. barely noticed as you pass the streetlight.

but the one thing you want most is that you want to see her. see her face light up when she sees you that night. you want to see her be impatient that you haven’t come yet. you want to be able to leave early and surprise her. you want to sit doing nothing, watching her do something. anything. have her ruffling your hair. see her excitement at a trip somewhere. even just to the movies. watch the fireworks light up her face. feel her burying her face in your sleeve when something scares her. remember her burying her face in your chest when you left her last.

just her.

If you’d only if you’d only say yes
Whether you will’s anybody’s guess
God only God knows she won’t let me rest
But I’m just so tired of this loneliness
I’ve become so tired of this loneliness

Coldplay – Yes
gese = ‘yes’ (in old english)

feelings, reflections

i wonder what the blah is going on..

Jul 22nd

Posted by SEV in staying.aside

2 comments

why ~~does~~ did google ~~currently~~ have a gay.com ad in the sidebar down there ?

gay.com ad

it is just disturbing for me. its supposed to be content-based, so that is even more disturbing..

however, that should not stop any of you from clicking it. Please do. I’m begging you.

ads, shitty

blah

Jul 21st

Posted by SEV in staying.aside

1 comment

upgrading wordpress 2.6 finally killed k2, much to my dismay. i’ve gone back to an older theme, with far fewer fancy notions and most importantly, managed to customize it to my liking. editing code eventually gets to be so much more fun than actually just throwing in some widgets or modules n shit.

i have no idea why i’m posting, i guess i just had to mention the fact that i have successfully changed the theme after far too long.

p.s. being too bored to think up a title is fun. i am thinking i should have different versions of ‘blah’ in my title for a while, and see how challenging that gets.

random crap

don’t be so serious

Jul 18th

Posted by SEV in staying.general

1 comment

get the joke?

Must. watch. again. and again. and again.

in the movies

story time

Jul 14th

Posted by SEV in staying.fiction

3 comments

what kanchan posted about triggered some leftover thoughts in me, and i went ahead and put together one possible version of it. mind you, what really came home to me is that i need to write more, and think about writing more.

however, such mundane musings aside: Discovery. it is a little unfinished for my tastes, and maybe a little uneven.. maybe a few reads i might make in a while will help. i know i can’t expect help from any of you.

otherwise, enjoy. i think.

fiction