i have briefly mentioned some losses that happened in the past year. somehow, i have friends who seem to know just what to say.. to somehow give me a catharsis for what happened that day.
towards, that, galadriel’s post is beautiful, and touching in ways i can’t really describe.
go. read.
Closed the curtain, unplugged the clock
Hung his clothes on the shower rod
But he never got undressed
And no, he never made a mess
watching. waiting. looking away. sipping the water in front of you. looking back. waiting. ever so slightly leaning forward. seem to listen intently. waiting. look down. note the sheen on your shoes. rest your forehead against your elbow on the table. feel the dryness in your mouth. look up. reach for the water. wait. sip. feel the trickle of water go down a throat that is too, too dry. swallow. eyes never move from in front you.
Sits and watches the sea fold in
And wonders what might have been
If she could ever have the chance
Would she do it all again?
your brain starts playing the scene to unfold. soon, very soon. unbidden, images flash. words flash, fade, move, rearrange. your mouth moves in rehearsed motions. it is robotic now, a motion that occupies the moments that are to come soon. very soon. you have dual vision - the real life in front of you somehow overlaid with the future. every minute, every second weighs in on you. you glance at the watch unbidden. it is an empty gesture, the time moves no slower and no faster. very soon. it will be time. words hang in the air, unspoken. you want to do something, pace, walk, shake in fear, shake in excitement. you want the moment to pass, you want to relish the moment. meanwhile the future continues to unfold. you feel the end of the “vision” coming. very soon. it will be over. and it hasn’t even begun yet. you have no idea what will happen when it will be over. something might go wrong. nothing can go wrong. very soon. you will know.
…at a desk, having presented my first paper in a conference attended by peers in my field.
…with satisfaction in the appreciation given by people who were genuinely interested by my talk.
…with the knowledge that the work i do makes some sense, somewhere.
…with 20 more ideas which excite me to a degree that i believe that something truly novel may come out of them.
…knowing that i am learning to stand for myself. 24 years after i learnt to stand in the first place.
not the show, the people.
a PSP ! these guys are beautiful.
as a side note, on my 25th birthday i’ve received candy, comics and a PSP. i guess i’m not growing up. and been stunned to silence twice. the other time… i’ll think about telling you guys about it 
these are bloody awesome.
Pehli saans
Mere din ki pehli dhoop
Chaand ki pehli kiran…
walking down the street, the twilight barely lighting your way, you don’t notice. the harsh shadow of the streetlight seemingly bars your way, but such considerations barely affect you. the wind bites, you barely huddle up in your coat. lost in thought, you don’t notice the autumn leaves half buried in frost, the last leaves on the trees surviving the cold, the frozen dew… you feel much lonelier than that last leaf, that last drop.
Pehla geet
Baarish ki pehli boond
Tum sheeth ki pehli kampan…
