the same troubles, the same worries, the same insecurities, the same issues, the same anger, the same reasons. and each one of us hit the hurdles at the same damn freakin’ time in our freakin’ lives.
almost scary.
very often, even if we feel otherwise, all we need to do is let go. letting go can lead to letting in. allowing yourself to believe in a life that is more than what it seems it can ever be. no matter what we believe, no-one is ever ready to move that next step, until they have to; until they are supposed to.
sometimes, the best way to get through something is by actually getting through it. the weird thing is we never feel we can. eventually, hindsight kicks in, and we end up wondering what was bothering us, why at all anything should bother us. we live in pain everyday, and finding our way through pain is the only way to ever have the pain be replaced.
the cause remains unknown, only because we do not want to find the cause. one wishes that life had a ‘pause’ button, that every once in a while, you could just take off; and have everything resume at the point you left it. that you could leave everything, and zone out. be happy-go-lucky. lose expectation. lose the shitty feeling that you get when you leave someone, and you really don’t want to. saying ‘life is to be spent alone’ is living in a fools’ world, the question is more one of whether you have a life in which you have somehow remained you. none of us ever do. we lack that little bit of faith in ourselves, in our own ideas. eventually, it becomes a game of how best to have norms followed.
so very often, we lose faith in everything. everything we have believed in for years, everything we’ve wanted to believe in. euphemistically, we call this “growing up”. i believe a phoenix was born when the eternally frustrated man made another comeback from the edge of desperation. as he had so many times before. worse, is when we lose faith in the people around us. such faith takes time to make a return. worse still, is when everyone else seems to have lost faith in us. and yet paradoxically, somehow, it is at such times that we really find the inner bedrock. the inner bedrock that somehow keeps us going. being between a rock and a hard world has its toll though: the cynicism, the pessimism, the harshness of reality take the place of optimism, a happy-go-lucky attitude, and escapism. some things we find it hard to go back to. some things we start finding an indication of childishness. the cycle continues, the attitude is passed on, and kids continue to want to “grow up”.
at the end of writing this, a single thought comes back to me.
why do i find it so hard to explicate the effect of watching a man trying to escape from reality? why is it i find that i wish i could it too sometimes?
why is it i feel thats all we all ever do? escape from reality, over and over and over…
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