I try to say a lot while saying very little. Get used to it.
Archive for October, 2006
isolated
Oct 29th
Posted by SEV in staying.in.my.head

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me and I walk alone..
sometimes, while walking down the road at 6 in the evening, you suddenly find the world moving into a different plane; leaving you right there. the world swirls, the roads mingle, but you keep walking. sipping the ubiquitous cup of coffee that you’ve paid for at the local coffee shop – the person behind the counter giving the same fake smile she gives everyone else. the two words of conversation they have with every other person had been exchanged, and they were looking beyond you; virtually through you.. to the person next in line.
even as the mouthful of coffee swirls itself around your mouth, you start ruminating that you are walking alone, you are the isolated one, you are the person who is sitting in the corner of the library; solitary in the books that surround you, you remained silent yesterday when everyone went back to their rooms after the meet; and made your way back to the one place on the planet that all your worldly belongings are stored. you would like to call it ‘home’, but that would be an insult to the golden-hued potrait of ‘back home’. this is the choice you made, this is the life you chose. you cannot complain, you cannot cry out and hope someone will hear. no-one ever really hears you, you could scream right now, right here.. and in all probability the world around you would barely pause to look at the person screaming out.
I’m walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone.
you stop. you listen. you wait. you keep listening.. for the voice that never comes. you take out your cell phone for the fifth time since you walked out here, to check if you’ve missed a call. nope. the wind bears down upon you, and you huddle in your coat; as your hair is blown back. people all around you hurry towards shelter, towards destinations they want to be at… you walk slower (if that is possible); you don’t want to go back. there is nowhere else to go, you bow your head deeper, and keep walking. you might as well, anything is better than aimlessly walking against the blustering day.
you walk into the building, the cellphone finally rings, you cut the call. it is too late. you come back to your chair, and start typing. you write, you formulate, you edit, you rewrite.. you try to capture the very angst that formulated the need to write.. the coffee grows cold. you finish, you drink, and grimace – cold coffee that was once warm has a worse kick than neat whisky. you lick your lips all the same, the remnants of sugar have a distinctive aftertaste. what is written is read, a deep sigh is emitted.. the pointlessness is realised.
someone actually understanding is barely a possibility. being alone in the middle of a crowd is far worse than being isolated.
My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Til then I walk alone…
celling gmail
Oct 25th
Posted by SEV in staying.aside
interesting.. if you have a US-based cell phone, you can sign up for gmail.
To sign up, enter your mobile phone number below. We’ll send you a text message with an invitation code to create your account. If you’ve already received a code, skip to step two!
r, you could just ask anyone of the users for one of their 99 idle invites. but its more available now.
update: apparently, its been available to the US for a year now. neither the UK, nor europe, nor india has anything of the sort. unfortunate. my bad.
the dear departed
Oct 25th
Posted by SEV in staying.shitty
we all know how much i’m currently consumed by the brilliance of ‘the departed‘. its one of those classic crime drama movies, the kind i love.. the kind i watch over and over again. to reiterate, for the record – scarface: 4, goodfellas: 3, casino: 3, once upon a time in america: 2, the godfather trilogy: too many, satya: too many, company: 5, d: 2, the untouchables: 3. you get the idea.
and so, we finally have a new crime drama after a while. and its not a disappointing load of tripe, like some of the recent stuff from the same director (specifically: gangs of new york. hindi revenge movies are better.). its lauded, rightly, as brilliant. in every way.
so, we’re roaming, we’re tripping, we decide to catch a movie. its past-10 pm, our choices are limited. lo and behold: ‘the departed’ is on show at 10:30. there is also some hindi movie.. but ‘the departed’ ?! this is called ‘fate’. we catch dinner, we skip into the theatre.
‘4 tickets for the 10:30 show of The Departed.’
‘4? Together ?’
‘Yep.’
‘That’ll be $___’
[Swiping, signing, exchanging receipts, tickets, and cards]
‘Its theatre 16, down the hall.’
‘Theatre 16 ? 10:30 show ?’
‘Yep.’
‘Is a lot over ?’
‘Naah.. probably like 5 minutes or so.’
and so, elated, excited, and ecstatic (well, me anyway), we locate the theatre at the back of the complex. we walk in on a scene with a lot of the main characters. gasps from the crowd, we’re just stunned. 30 seconds later, the hall is dead-silent, and we’re looking at each other.. ‘wow ! that was an awesome scene !‘. another scene later, we’re completely floored. a bit more, and i’m wondering just how non-linear the story is.
and then, the words ‘directed by martin scorcese’ flash up. white on black. ‘the titles just got over ? and its already this awesome ? wo..‘
then the people sitting next to me stand up, and look at us expectantly. i look at the rest, really puzzled. what was going on ? the movie had just started, right ? right ?
nothing more for it, we had to get up to make way. watching people exit the theatre. possibilities ranged. obviously, it was the end of the movie. could it be that we were too early for the show ? that we’d ruined one of the best movies of the year by entering too early ? but the ticket dude had said 5 minutes were over, not 5 minutes to go. we’d ruined the best movie of the year. would the next show be starting now ? still standing. the movie is over. we’d watched the climax, the conclusion of one of the best movies of the decade. no movie, just conclusion. thoroughly puzzled.
we went back to the counter. explained it all. different person, we point out the dunderhead who’d sent us to the theatre.
‘Oh, but the 10:30 show is in theatre 3, not theatre 16.’
‘What ?!’
‘The movie is in theatre 3, you want to go watch it there ?’
‘But you said..’
‘Well.. [looking at screen].. its theatre 3.’
‘So you just ruined a really amazing movie for us ?’
‘It started in theatre 3, you can go watch it there.’ [its 11:10 pm, the show was for 10:30; max start 10:40 pm]
‘What, are you kidding me ?’
‘You want your money back ?’ [opens register, counts money.]
she didn’t seem to get it. they’d successfully managed to send us into a movie that was minutes away from the final knockout punch. the orchestrated climax. and we’d watched it. not knowing what was going on. and we knew how it all came down. and she didn’t seem to care.
hell, it was just a movie. but when you muck up, you usually say sorry. it was the rule, right ? apparently not. apparently its ok to completely ruin a weekend night, and ruin one of the best movies to come out in recent times. we’re supposed to take our money, understand that this is how it works here, and walk out. they didn’t even seem to care. and there weren’t 20 people demanding attention at the same time. we were the only people, everyone else was enjoying the movie they came to see. unruined.
she was busy trying to pack up and get out of there. money given, we could go to hell.
[epilogue: we didn't. i fought. and got free tickets. which i would have offered on the spot anyway. but i don't think i'm ever going back there again. i saw 'the departed' last week, and its a tribute to scorcese that the ending lacked none of the killer punch.]
meaning, redefined.
Oct 23rd
Posted by SEV in staying.aside
pi, in all its coloured glory. and how to sign credit cards.
[via digg]
lends a whole new meaning to life
when one is just bored of work…
Oct 22nd
Posted by SEV in staying.general
today’s useless fact:
The average college student spends as much time using their computers for online conversation, or “chatting”, as they do for studying.
add blogging random, useless facts to the list too:
1. Who are you?
Satish, a 20-something nutcase, with waaaay too much work that needs doing. Oh, and believes he’s not completely stupid.
2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you?
I can be very very caustic.
I hate falling ill, and acting stupid. (Both happen to me often enough not to be called rare.)
I love English. In any form.
3. When you aren’t filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing?
Finding surveys to fill out. And not having any life at all.
4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn’t like at the time).
English.
Math.
Computers.
History.
Science.
Languages.
5. What is your biggest goal for this year?
Actually be in a PhD program sometime in the next 12 months.
6. Where will you be in 5 years?
Still here, hopefully graduating from my PhD. And not have had a life for the last 5 years.
7. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I never want to grow up. Look mommy, I can fly !
8. Are you more child-like or childish?
I want to say child-like, but I just like being a kid. Where’d my jellybeans go ?
9. What is the last thing you said out loud?
“Have a good day.”Good day. Ting-ting-ta-ting. Britannia !
10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life?
“Ironic” by Alanis Morissette.
11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes?
People used to think I was the top student in one. I loved Bruce Lee then.
I’ve got to stop saying things that make me sound gay.
12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same?
Life sucks. Period. Whether its getting better or worse, depends on whether its better or worse now.
13. Does time really heal all wounds?
You’d think so. They’re just festering.
14. How do you handle a rainy day?
I don’t go out enough to play in the puddles. Used to ensure at least one walk in the rain when in Bombay.
15. Which is worse – losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights?
Losing one’s luggage, I think. Nearly lost my laptop that way. And I hadn’t even got it then.
16. How is your relationship with your parents?
I love them, and they’ve always been there for me. I’m trying to ensure the latter is mutual.
Will you miss them when they are gone?
I currently can’t imagine life without them. Lets not go there, ok ?
17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you?
At some level. Don’t always focus on everything though.
18. What is the truest thing that you know?
Life sucks, and that you shouldn’t focus on that fact.
19. What do you want your life to be like, as the future takes clearer shape?
I prefer my future to be hazy now. I want to have done so many things done at the end of it all; that I don’t know where to start. So, I barely start anything. I’ll get there eventually though.
20. Have you ever been given a second chance?
In many things, yes. Did I deserve them ? No.
21. Are you more of a giver or a taker?
I try to be a giver. Don’t think that I’ve been a success at that though.
22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart?
Open heart surgery during decisions sounds horribly risky.
If you mean, metaphorically.. no.
23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you?
I wouldn’t remember. I suppress pain of any kind.
24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you?
Read above. The past is dead, as are many other things.
25. Who have you hugged today?
No one. People call the cops if you randomly hug them on the road. And ban hugging, remember ?
26. Who has done something today to show they care about you?
My mom called to ensure that I’m better from my cold.
27. Do you have a lot to learn?
Hell yeah. I don’t know where to start.
28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be?
A How to answer such questions and not seem like a selfish prick.
B Truly explore my potential.
C Get rich.
29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel?
How other people make me feel. I get that from what they say and do.
30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship?
Communication, trust, respect, love, and all the other things they talk about in relationship books. I’ve never really read them.
31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die?
A Live
B Teach
C Travel everywhere I want to go
32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing?
A One of
B them has
C Been done.
Go figure.
33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause?
I used to. Then I became a cynic.
34. What does each decade make you think of:
The 19..
20’s:Patti born.
30’s: The Great American Depression.
40’s: World Wars.
50’s: Dad is now two.
60’s:Dad’s in IIT.
70’s:Amitabh arrives.
80’s:I’m on the damn planet.
90’s:Back in India.
2000-(so far):Graduating in every way.
35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why?
The 80’s maybe ? Life was more fun as a small kid.
36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song?
“Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd.
37. If you could say any sentence to the president of the USA what would it be?
“You’re stupid.”
38. What’s your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night?
I hate TV. I usually just flip if forced to watch.
39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why?
John Silver. Loved the blob.
40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout?
RSP in school. Doesn’t get classified as either.
41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat?
Fly if alone. Boat if I don’t mind blowing all my cash on a cruise.
42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night?
It’s actually a deep fluoroscent green at all times. You just can’t see that plane of the sky. Mere mortal.
43. What does your name mean?
In Sanskrit – “Sati”-”eesh” is ‘Lord of Sati’; “eesh” being the form of ‘Husband’. It is a name of ‘Shiva’ hence, the most powerful of the Triumvirate of Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva.
44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outer space?
Oceans, anyday. I think space will probably fold back in such a way, that you’d end up there anyway.
45. Word association
Air: Breathe
Meat: Yuck
Different: Anomaly
Pink: Panther
Deserve: Nothing
White: Blazer
Elvis: Presley
Cilantro: Cyan
Heart: Break
Clash: Titans
Pulp: Fiction
46. If you could meet any person who is dead and famous who would you want it to be?
Arthur Conan Doyle.
47. What if you could meet anyone alive and famous?
Amitabh Bachchan.
48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday?
There are a few, really. Off the top of my head, Fight Club.
49. You are going to be stuck in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do?
The complete collected works of Wodehouse. And a complete set of tools to actually get out sooner.
things you need to know
Oct 21st
Posted by SEV in staying.general
1. orkut has added inline scrap replies. now its even easier to waste time.
2. their logo is in homage to diwali. awesome. the fact that india probably is on orkut, is now proven.
3. the departed is an awesome, awesome movie. inspite of a tragic twist that occurred to me when i last was at a a theatre for watching it… the movie rocked. i worship this mr. scorcese too.
oh, and happy diwali.
just in case the 20 billion emails from orkut haven’t already pissed you off with regards to diwali wishes.




