in honour of all the spam-mails i receive everyday.. this seems just about right.

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2004 & 2005.

Because of your kindness :

  • I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it’s good for removing toilet stains.
  • I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
  • I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.
  • I don’t leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
  • I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.
  • I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
  • When I go to parties, I don’t look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
  • I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she’s been 7 since 1993…)
  • I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program would arrive soon.
  • My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.
  • Still open to help someone from Bulgaria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle property who died in a plane crash with all his family, and also leaving no relatives, of some hundred thousand million $.
  • Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc.. now most of those ‘Wishes’ are already married (to someone else)….maybe they must’ve forwarded it many times much before I had done it.

now, if only we could spam the spammers with this. the guy also missed out how his penis has enlarged to about 3 m long and 2 m wide, having eaten the medicines they prescribed. as well as the 3 million he pays (from AOL/Bulgaria ?) annually thanks to the utterly cheap mortgages he found.

jeez.