staying.cool

i’m sunk.

His fingers moved over the surface in front of him with almost lightening precision; apparently with a mind of their own. Even as the thoughts crystallized in his head, they appeared on the screen in front of him.. no deviations, the pictures in his head caught and captured even as the hazy image they formed was discernable to his mind’s eye.

A pause. The images seemed to vanish in the wink of the eye. He looked at the keyboard fo the first time since starting the write-up. Unsurety. He looked away.. trying to collect the multitude of thoughts that seemed to form all at once; apparently trying to fill a void.

He shook his head. The idea was lost. Lost in a clamour of voices in his head.. all apparently trying to tell him what they meant.
His eyes closed. Thoughts were considered individually.. and segregated. Even as he leaned back onto his thinking couch.. the mind seemed to fill with drawers, filing cabinets; opening and closing as thoughts were eliminated as unimportant; unneccessary.. or just plain unwanted at that point.

To the external observer, they might be forgiven for thinking that the man was resting.. relaxing; a machine in place of the processes that were running would have burnt out at the speed at which he was forcing the process to happen.
A convulsive jerk, and his eyes snapped open. The idea was back. He seemed to rush to the keyboard, almost afraid that it would disappear again. the fingers flew over the keypad again.. and the thoughts were poured out again…

Done.

Almost in slow motion he was back in the reclining position, trying to see what he might have missed.. no weak links; no holes. He shook his head. No.

He leaned forward. The pointer hovered over ‘Send’…

The door opened.

life is monotonous. a slow uneventful progress of nothing. regular, undulating; and one cannot even go to sleep over it.
apparently, everyone i know is bored. bored of job-seeking. bored of sitting around. bored of working out of a cubicle. bored of waiting. bored of studies…
i guess you get the idea.

i had heard that one’s twenties are the most happening years of one’s life. independence strikes. wine, women, song and all that. life is supposed to be exciting; to the point that people know it as the ‘wild side’. go ballistic. go crazy.

naah.

not really. twenties are over-rated, really. a lot of life is overrated; if you think about it.
i know, one cane find the inspiration to do things. motivate oneself to get things done. actually get things done too.live life; so to speak.
but why ? is there any real point ?

…

and that’s where i get stuck. there doesn’t seem to be any point to it all. at all. ever. movies get monotonous. music has been heard to the point where complete interludes are burned into memory. tv is eventually crap. reading helps; but reading all the time is something which the mood does not permit.
even reading ?!!

like wow.

i hope that it changes. else i know one person who just might be behind the next texas aberdeen chainsaw massacre. it would make for a good interview too:

“why did you do it ? commit genocide on such a large scale ?”
“i was bored.”

a director who believes that paris hilton can be the greatest mother. like wow.

apparently,

He said: “Although there are a number of actresses willing to play the role of Mother Teresa - the most widely respected and loved person - the history of the actress who is finally chosen for the role would have to be analysed thoroughly before she is chosen.”

is it just me, or is he the only human to not have been disgusted with ‘one night in paris’ ? or only the one male who hasn’t seen/heard of it ? but no.
it gets better.
the soft porn king of india, jagmohan mundra, is making a biopic.
on sonia gandhi.

with monica bellucci in the lead.

…

why ?

there are some things that happen for a reason.. and some that happen because we want them to. there have been many things that i have done for no other reason other than wanting to.

• there used to be a time when i would maniacally cut out the ‘dilbert’ cartoons that appeared in the indian edition of the economic times, and carefully date them. these would be arranged by month.. and be pasted in a book that i made specially for this purpose. eventually, pressures of time caught up with me, and pasting took a back-seat. the cartoons would be placed in a folder, month-wise date-wise. then i managed to find someone who would cut them out for me. however, some days would be missed.. dates noted.. papers found.. cartoons cut. by me.
  now, i maniacally collect them online
• similarly, i would religiously go through newspapers, cutting out articles of interest.. funny articles that tickled me.. even [apparently] collector’s articles. mind you, i’m sure some of them might be worth millions someday. there would be a time when a backlog of 3 months would lie in my house just so i could take out what i wanted. eventually, my dad gave in; and allowed me to mark them, so he could cut them when he would discard the papers.
  now, i don’t read the paper. else the cutting habit would resurface.
• in the early days of my internet usage, i discovered the free subscription newsletters that are so readily avaiable online. jokes, movie reviews, tidbits, trivia.. you name it - it was all delivered to my inbox. 2.7 GB storage is passe today, but those were the days of no Gmail, 4 MB yahoo mail.. and i was receiving 30 mails a day. from subscriptions alone. and they were all read, and religiously stored on my PC (those were the days of POP3 yahoo too) when yahoo withdrew that, i shifted to IMAP and hotmail..
  eventually i realised the meaning of spam; and in 3 hours took my name off 95% of them.
  now, i still get mails from reader’s digest.
• cartoons. comics. comic strips. i subscribed. i found sites where i could save them from. archives. file-sharing was a pipe-dream on a dial-up connection.. so i rigourously went to the sites, and viewed each and every comic in an effort to get them all. why ? i wanted them all. my collection has to be complete. every comic available.
  an addendum: until i realised that i could actually save the comic without the email; i saved the email.. when i lost 200 ‘bizarro’ comic strips; i realised my folly.. and found alll of them online.
  now, i have broadband. too easy :P.
• i would analyze, imagine.. and generally figure out topics i could discuss on this forum. thoughts were crystallized.. i read some of my old posts recently (don’t you ?) and realised that a tagline ‘creativity and craziness combine…’ ,even if alliterative, was once true. the challenge was to think, and make the reader realise. stimulate.
  it feels like the mind has rusted.. the ideas don’t come.. in short, the tagline had to be taken off.
  now, i whine, talk random crap; and do tags on my blog. magic, i think, is being lost.

the reason for this sudden, personal, apparently pointless post ? simply put:

[13:40:08] Anisha: write about something that you are or were once passionate about (in ur blog). u can dedicate the entry to me

and so, dedicated to anisha. love you, babe

i’ve talked about the ultimate solution for information organization, and google seemed to have a good thing going with its personalized homepage; which seemed to be something similar to yahoo’s original idea, albeit more dynamic.
today, via slashdot, i discovered that homepages can be ultimate organizers too. and so, discover.
its all free.. and ajax desktops are the future. i wonder how far msn will take live.. though my grouse will be that it’ll be better viewed in IE than anywhere else.