Archive for October, 2005

..or expressed.

for example.. having completed a year with a blog. in effect, an online diary.

me, a guy who has difficulty expressing himself in any way. i am maintaining a journal. an online journal. and i look forward to seeing what others have to say about what i write.

there are mixed feelings here. amazement, that i can write. curiosity, about how i’m able to do it here. wondering, at the number of people who can understand. happiness, that the world is not as lonely as i think it sometimes.

realisations come and go. the questions remain, albeit in a place i cannot go to now.
a weight lies on my mind, i do not deny that. i need to get it out, i know. can i, i don’t know.

i will say one thing though.

to all of you out there. all those people i have met through this space. there are so many friends i have made just through writing, so many people i have come to know, that i can’t believe it sometimes.

it means more than i can express right now, but i will. someday.
happy blogging, everyone. and thanks for being there.

…a lot of the stuff i’ve written recently can be construed as whining. i realise that but outlets are needed. i can’t say i’m over it, but darkness takes on meaning after a while too.

…you keep realising that time passes faster than you realise. it is the 23rd today, and in 3 days, this place on the net will have existed for a year. i mean staying.cool as an entity, not the actual web-location. obviously.

…it is true that evolution is probably reality, rather than theory. this was meant to be a “cool” hang-out with links, and amazingly insightful commentary posts. and a forum for the ideas that come out of my head. it didn’t.
instead, i should say, welcome to a peek at what goes on in SEV’s head.
also, yes, that means i was always open to the point that evolution is only a theory.

…i‘ve been very remiss in not visiting all of you as i usually do. i’ve barely been able to while in india, and it was only today that i managed to actually read all that all of you had written.
god, i can’t believe that one can accumulate backlog in blog-reading.

…staring into darkness shows you so many things after a while.
i lay in my bed last night, staring sightlessly at the dark ceiling above me. so many thoughts come unbidden when you relax your mind-blocks.. that you wonder. how many ideas die unheard simply because we don’t want to listen to everything our mind throws up ? i know my mind is far from what i once thought it would be.
i used to hope it would be like that of the great sherlock. filing cabinets of information around. knowledge available at a moments notice. cross-referenced and everything. just what i need, and nothing more.
i know now, it is actually a mess. order exists in its disorder, and i’ve been able to make it into a rough file-folder sorting, when i wish to. i’ve been able to empty it, too. i’ve learnt to scream inward: silent to the world; a cacophony inside.
and i know this is the way it was always meant to be. something of everything, and everything eventually leads to nothing…
the night.