aware
July 13, 2005a curious thing has been happening..
it is very interesting, but lately i am becoming aware of exactly how ‘aware’ my mind is.
for instance, the other day, having gone the usual 20 hours without sleep/rest, it occurred to me that while my body was physically tired, my mind was alert, active and quite aware of what was going on.
it literally felt like my mind was externally observing everything around. and accordingly reacting. however, my body was physically tired; and hence the reactions were not as coordinated as one would expect. to the extent of slurring words. i could make sense, but the co-ordination that makes the mind sync the body was missing.
however, the mind was working perfectly.
if anything, it was easier than usual, as the encumbrance of having to take care of what the body does was not essential.
this is not the first time this is happening.. it has happened before - but it is happening more often now. even during normal working conditions, albeit the awareness seems a little duller then.
one would think the opposite, but apparently rest causes us to be more aware of external stimuli - leaving what is internal more or less subconscious.
even now, its been a while since i slept, and yet, i’m pondering the problem of my project while typing this out.
try freezing on every thought that comes to the mind. try realizing every flicker of an idea that appears. you realise how incredibly complex it all is…
..as well as how much crap you can think of every second 
i can actually trace the flow of my thoughts while writing this.. and it occurs to me this particular post might seem a little egoistic.
maybe a lot egoistic.
however, i needed to talk about the inside of my head right now… and i’ve barely scratched the surface.
lest i come up with another ‘faeces’-type thought, i’ll stop here.
but its very weird. and freaky.
but cool.
hehe sounds strange. I dunno, I think I am addicted
trine | July 13, 2005hehe sounds strange. I dunno, I think I am addicted to sleeping, which of course is not easy with a small child in the house, or perhaps this is why I am.
It sounds very existential somehow what you’re writing about. I am afraid I might have missed what the actual project is?
please enlighten silly me. and tell me more about your PhD plans!!!
i’m not sure if its a good thing or bad.. but i needed to know what i was thinking out loud; before i got anywhere with it
i think all mom’s are addicted to sleeping. probably coz they don’t get too much of it. even after 22 yrs
the “project” was completely different - i was referring to my MSc, which is why i’m in the UK.
it's hilarious that someone has just asked about your PhD
george clooney | July 13, 2005it’s hilarious that someone has just asked about your PhD (a.k.a drug addiction) plans. roar! speaking of which i now have a curious question, which i will not publicize for obvious reasons.
it’s very easy to stay put without sleep for the first 48 hours - thank you, adrenaline! and then your body fails to respond and in turn the brain refuses to function - thank you, personal experience! and then you take a three hour nap to prevent futile ‘osmosis’ and life’s good to go (after a one hour bad mood/sleepyhead phase). but seriously, if it weren’t for naps, i would be a failure today. the best part is: your body is so versatile in terms of adjustment to various situations (although it takes a few damn days) - my being home and working, i manage to sleep at least 7-8 hours a night. never did that at school. so bizarre.
“try freezing on every thought that comes to the mind. try realizing every flicker of an idea that appears. you realise how incredibly complex it all is” - what the hell are you really trying to say? i have multiple interpretations, but i don’t like to share.
bye floozy.
(sorry, i had a shameless urge to use the word this instant!)
one point is that, even after 48 hours, while my body will not respond; my brain will. and yes, i know from personal experience. i can force the body; but that means i get completely screwed a day later.
naps are highly useful, this day is being spent on a 3 hr nap in the morning. the point is not to force sleep when there is nothing to do. body cycles, when completely known, can be very useful things.
as for the last statement; i’ll leave you to give me the interpretation you like. and i’m waiting.