staying.cool

hmmm.. the impermanence of life was brought home to me again.

interestingly, this realization has been coming for the last few days, in a variety of ways.
there are so many different things that are happening. and at any one time, we barely know about half of them.
it only served to show me that each one of us carries their own private hell around with them.

i have mentioned the multiverse concept of humanity. i have mentioned the minimal separation between each one of us.
there is another point here too. one that we very rarely recognize.
that all of us, each and every person among us, has their own private hell. one that they alone can live in. one that they alone will have to live with.
one that they alone have to bear.

their Abaddon.

each one has their own problems.
we all know that.
but do we realise that another can have worse problems ?

problems unimaginable. from our point of view. that we do not even suspect could have happened to that person.
lack of self-confidence. illness. death. tragedy. sadness. anything.
i am not going to repeat how the person sitting opposite may have a cousin in the same office as yours.
i am going to say that her grandfather may have died that morning. or the earlier week.
that she may be thinking that she is the worst person on earth.
why ? she may have shouted at her child today. she may have lost her watch. anything.
and yet, everything.

try to imagine that the people that you are with may be suffering even as you read. they may be missing their loved ones.
they may be feeling completely dejected.
they may be feeling alone.
but no. we go through life thinking of our own problems. or, the problems faced by our family. or even our friends.
and so we lose feeling for the rest of humanity.

we do not try to understand that everyone of us is going through this life. and they have to fight most of the battles alone. that they may actually only be outside so that they can see other people. to feel alive.
this is not a concept that i am writing about to talk about what to do. or what should be done.
it is a concept that we must realize. and understand.
it may change the way we live.

the private hell is one that you have to live in alone…true.
but it is something that seems a lot lighter when you talk about it. unless you tell other people; however hard they may try, they will never realize.
and one must never forget that one is never completely alone.

there is always someone. somewhere. who will listen. and love. and understand.

and thus can you realize the meaning of heaven.

laterz

hmmm.. the best topics come not when one sits and thinks, but from a chance remark.

how much can we leave to chance ?

a comment left on what snow inspired in me brought to mind a thought.
i know i'm supposed to be thinking all the time, but this was one of the thoughts that made me stop.
'now why didn't that occur to me ?'

i had spent my usual 15 minutes of fame in framing that post. and had tried to think of every possible connotation.
and those 3 were all that i could come up with.

yet Riri managed to remind me of yet another.
the ephemerality. of snow.
of life.
of everything.

we are barely able to come to terms with this life. with the possibilities it gives us. with the power we have in it.
we can barely grasp it before it slips away.
to me, sometimes, the 'life flashing in front my eyes' statement is a cry which says 'i did so little with it all'.
how many of us can actually say that we have done everything possible in this life ?

i can't.
there is so much to be done, so much that can be done.
and so much that i might never do.
unfortunately.

oh well.
that brings out the tendency of all of us to be so apathetic.
again, unfortunately.
but why is it that so many of us go through life without ever experiencing it to the fullest ? and why is it that this fact is no longer important to us ?

sad.
could it be that it does not occur to us ? like this topic has not occurred to me before ? or, for that matter, when it came to snow ?
it should. it must.
i have a belief that at the end of it all, one should be proud of what one has managed to achieve. of what one has managed to create/inspire in others.
of what one has done.

its the only way. the only way that you will always be spurred on to do more.
and always feel good of what you have done. or what you can do.
and one has to care. about what is being done. or what is going to be done.
after all, feelings are one of the only reasons that we can actually say that we are different from animals.

however, the way the world turns today, this is being lost.
i devote some 15-20 minutes a day to this space, but that is my time for me. to express myself.
i make an effort to care about it.
and it helps. this space is important to me.

i do not know how and why, but now, other spaces have become important to me too.
and this is to tell them all [they appear alongside] that they matter.
this is the last point.

if you care, say so. it matters to the person you tell. and could change his/her life.
and you may never get to say it again as well.
and so, to all the friends and family i have, you matter too. in ways i cannot describe.

i can be proud of that. i hope.

laterz

hmmm.. the world as i saw it underwent yet another change.

in the space of two days, thats a lot of change.
weird.
once it starts it never stops.

i have already posted what happened when it first snowed here.
but then, the next day, i awoke in the morning to find the world cloaked in white.
it was amazing.

i had gone to bed the earlier night with darkness and gloom around. and the first sight i saw when i opened my eyes was the whole of the world outside dyed a new colour.

white.

white can mean so many things.
when i walked down the road an hour later, i noticed how everything seemed to have changed, by the addition of a simple half inch of snow. the roads seemed cleaner. the world seemed purer. the universe seemed to have taken on the mantle of the white wizard.

sentience.
the park that i pass everyday was awash in white. and this made all the difference. it seemed to be at peace.
interesting what feelings we associate with white.
to me the surroundings gave me ideas. feelings. thoughts.

peace.
that the world needs to wake up to peace. that people, humans like you and me are torn apart due to strife. that shouldn't exist. that this isn't needed.
a lot of our daily problems are simply explained as a lack of inner peace.
the grumpy guard. the impatient bus driver. the sad mother. all victims of the same affliction.
i will not say more, because this is a peace that has eluded me for a long time. and it is one that i do not think can be achieved unless i find it for myself.
i hope.

death.
i know that this is not the most favourite of everyone's thoughts. that it is probably one of humanity's greatest fears.
but why ?

why fear it ? can it not be thought of as the ultimate form of peace ?
but it did seem to me that the earth was dying. in a white shroud. and leafless trees did not help the picture.
why are we allowing this to happen ? this beautiful place. this utopia.

zion.

and we lust for one that may not even exist.
we do not even consider the one that has been given to us. regardless of what we do. regardless of who we are.
ingrates that we are.

the evanescence of magic.
we have lost the magic that we used to see in the world. that we saw as kids. that we should never lose. that we should keep alive in our souls forever.
ideally.
as children, we found so many many things beyond belief. the rain that fell. snow. the fact that our parents knew whatever we did.
where did all that go. somewhere in the process of growing, we've lost the feeling.

one we rarely re-discover.
one can but wish that it all comes back.
they are all inter-related. but will have to be retrieved separately.

i will pray.
for you. for all humanity.
and await.

laterz

this post was supposed to be about something very different.

but now the paradigm has changed.
for me.

there used to be a link under the 'staying.blogs' link on the side. called 'The Fine Line v3.0'.
and its not there anymore.

instead, there is a message that is self-explanatory. that signals the end of her blog.
the blog of cleolove.
the door to the person that is cleo.
'cleopatra, queen of denial'

for the last few days, in the middle of this daily activity; there has been one that puzzled me a lot. the flashing up on screen of a message. The reason for which i could not fathom.

i have not been blogging for a long time. but cleo's was one of the first blogs that i marked. to read everyday. and whether she knew it or not, when the name 'cleolove' appeared in the comments; it was a matter of intense pride.
that she read my blog. that she understood.
and that she felt i was important enough to talk to. to comment on my blog.
a connection.

i do not know cleo. i have never met her. i had barely gone through her archives.
and yet, i knew her.
and so this post. to cleo. wherever you are.

i do not know why you have ended your blog. why the stark 'end of transmission' on any of your other sites affects me. i have barely known you.
and yet, there are feelings here that i cannot describe. that i cannot transmit over a simple web page. i can but hope that your innate empathy will get my transmission.
each and everything about your blog was unique.
the 'powered by cleo's fingers'. the 'the blank space'.
the dignity. the honesty. the actual person came through.

something that i cannot appreciate enough. that you are unique.
and you could show it to us. and i admire that.

you changed my outlook in so many ways. you have managed to make me think differently. feel differently.
live differently.

take care cleo.

and as u say, 'peace'.

in memory of The Fine Line v3.0.
and hoping that it will be brought back.
someday.

hmmm.. something happened today which made me understand the world a little better.
i know that statement was highly redundant.
i agree.
but it snowed today.
[scrrreeeeeeeech][stop]

let me begin at the beginning.
i was walking to college today, when white drops of beauty fell.
i know that was hyperbole.

it’s been getting colder for the last few days here. and today was not helped by the fact that its 1 degrees celsius. or the fact that it’s feeling like -4.
and there i was, an insignificant speck in this universe, making my way, fighting the wind and the ‘biting cold’ (as the books put it).
and then, it snowed.

it’s something that people who’ve felt it on their nose for the first time as a child will relate to.
i think.
but it was amazing. the feeling. i stood there and felt the first snowflakes in my life on my upturned face. they were tiny, white bolts of ice; which barely existed for the 30 seconds that they took to settle.
i have only heard of the six-sided symmetry of snowflakes. hopefully i will see that soon as well.
but at that moment, it was all my fantasies come true. all the books, all the movies… everything.
they all came to life in that instant.
now i know why children liked to play with this ice.

it was a moment when i saw the sky, the clouds, the barely visible sun in all of natures selfless beauty. i understood.
all this beauty. all this nature. all this ‘greatness of creation’. it all made sense at that point. why we get to see this stuff. why we should see it.
why this earth still tolerates us inspite of us being the most selfish species present on its surface.
because we can appreciate it all. in a way that no other can.
we can appreciate the fact that snow fell. we play in it. we revel in it.
at least the children do.

we can play in the rain. have fun. play in puddles. even dance.
i have.
we take photos. we paint. we glorify. we sing paens in praise.
we enjoy it all.
and we should. enjoyment of beauty is the reason for which beauty exists.
why else do girls ‘dress up’ for the guys ?
because they like attention that is given to them in return.
so nature must be a woman. and one whom i will always love. forever.

i know that this post is very different from the ones that i usually put up.

but it snowed today.
i think i will go out and play !

laterz

hmmm.. for possibly the first time, i'm going to boast: “i've had over 1500 visitors in two weeks!”
and for possibly one more time, i'm gonna follow up: “it's a different matter that most of them didn't even stay for 30 seconds.”

oh well.
but even those two innocuous statements say a lot about the way we think.
didn't get it ?
perception.

its something that was brought to mind when i was reading past comments. one had said that duality was nothing but a matter of perception.
interesting.

i call 1500 visitors good. u can call that an absurdly low number.
i can call the 'less-than-30-seconds' phenomenon a bad thing. as i want people to at least glance at my blog.
u can say - 'at least they came. someone came to see what the hell you have on your blog.'

see ?
we classify things based on our perception. based on how we see them. how we feel about them.
not on some international standard of understanding. our own.
and each one of us has his own unique way of thinking.
as a simple example, take the manner in which people read blogs. if they get hooked in the first two lines, you have a reader. else its 'ta-ta' or 'i wonder when the counter ticks over..' which is probably the reason that people post short blogs out there. even if they all don't make any sense at all.

at least some of them don't. to me.
we classify subjects as boring or interesting based on our mental state at the time. we say that someone is intelligent or stupid based on what we think of what they say.
and so on.

a more appealing example is the matter of sex. we call a person 'sexy' based on what we've seen of them. or what we are able to see of them.
or is it what we are not able to see ?

consider that when you see a naked person, it is not the arousal you have when they are barely covering themselves.
make sense ?
think about it.
the only reason that we watch porn and so on and forth is simply because of the fantasy that it gives us of semi-naked people. the actual act merely stirs the primal passions in us. which cannot be called pleasurable.

of course we might start doing something pleasurable at this point.
[shit.that was too scientific.]

another thought occurs to me.
the fact that even life is a matter of perception.
the approach that we have taken towards it is what is defining what we call 'alive'.
is it possible that if we change our perception, our viewpoint of life changes ? that if we dared to look at things even slightly differently, we might decide that we have been wrong for the last millenium or so ? and that EVERYTHING will have to change to conform with the new perception we have ?
would we have the courage to do that ? the passion ? the interest ?

we have got so used to classifiying things as balck and white, that the fact that some things may actually be red or yellow i.e. completely off any scale we have.
doesn't make sense ? that's what i'm talking about.

open the mind. let it roam free.
one never knows for sure, what one can think of.

and thus is this blog written.
laterz