staying.cool

hmmm.. more than one person left a comment yesterday, saying that they wouldn't want to know all the answers.
or at maximum, they would want to know only selective answers.

which is kind of funny when you consider that most humans have an aim in life to learn. to understand.
gain knowledge.
and yet, this is what we see: a paradox.

isn't this the case with everything we attempt, though ? we must create paradoxes, act contrary in everything we do.
we desire knowledge and yet we do not want it.
we need love and yet we will not accept it when it is offered to us. worse, we often do not even recognize it.
we love our friends and family the most in this universe, and yet will be the first to hurt them in as many ways as possible.
we live life, but want to die so many times during its period.
weird is not the word.

why is it that we must do this ? why is that we must walk in the exact opposite direction to which we need to go ? work in exactly the manner that is most likely to harm the final result ?
is it because that in either case it is pointless ?

the work that we do, the results that we achieve, the marks that we think we make in our lives - do they all really have any meaning ? do they make even an iota of a difference to the planet as a whole ? to the galaxy ?
to the universe ?

i have said that the entire universe is connected in ways that we cannot fathom. (if i haven't, i'll say it now.) i know i've said that the universe will conspire to help us achieve our inner most desires if we would but believe.
this is not a loss of that belief.

this is a wondering. about the point of it all. about the futility of all that we do.
about why.
it is a question that i have asked in many different forms over my blogging experience. and it is one that i get thrown at me again and again. in so many different forms that i barely recognize it.

and one i still cannot answer.

laterz

hmmm.. it is so interesting how our mind works sometimes.. we manage to think in the absence of thoughts; and actually follow instinct even in their presence.

take the matter of sex.
interestingly enough, the lady that we find sexy is one that is not wearing too much.
or rather, is wearing just enough to not cover the coveted parts. the dress that accentuates the right curves.
i am not too sure about women, but i guess that they are probably turned on by pretty much the same things. only in guys. hence the obsession with girls admiring half-naked guys on t.v. serials.
and that leads to the fantasy. and hence the desire.
why else would strippers be popular ?

interestingly enough, pornography itself is popular for the simple reason that so much more than just the act is there. the thoughts of these 'extra factors' titillate us.

women too, are said to treasure lying in the lovers arms' at the end, rather than the actual act.
or at least that's what i've observed. or read. or heard.
and again, interestingly enough, this subject holds a fascination that supersedes that of death.
very interesting.

again, an observation i have made is that in nudist colonies they claim that the lust-desire, so to speak, is removed. because the covers are not there. desire is lost as the body is revealed.
interesting again.
in a book of irving wallace, 'the prize', he describes how when the girl is completely nude, there is no feeling of lust in the main character. but even as she dresses, erotic thoughts form, and he desires her.
weird.

even the actual act of sex itself is said to be a divine 'eleven minutes'. and we are definitely not low enough to be excited by a factor of just eleven minutes. and we have kind of agreed that it is not the eleven minutes that interest us, it is what happens before and after that.
could this be the way that the human mind thinks ? that unless a part of the truth is revealed to it; it will not go forward in seeking it ? the factor of curiosity will not arise. the factor of wanting to know will disappear.

but progress has happened because each discovery has promised so much more.
because of the 'titillation' to the brain.

what if, tomorrow, we were offered the answer to everything ?
we were offered the answer to all the problems ?
the answers to all the millions of questions we have ?
would we take it ?

would you ?

hmmm.. its interesting how the weather, how the surroundings that we have can give rise to so many different feelings in a person.

i've talked about snow; and for a day there i was a little kid in body and mind.
usually its just mind.
and today it rained.

its been raining here quite frequently. at least for the time i've been here, rain has fallen every week. i get the sneaking suspicion that the snow that fell was originally rain; that accidentally fell as snow.
or is it that way anyway ?

it's been raining today ever since 3 am. and for an indian, rain has a special significance.
it may be the same for so many other races too; but i can only speak for indians.
when i was walking in the falling drops of water, completely different perspectives flashed before me.

love. life. happiness.
in india rains mean that the country is going to be green. it means relief from the heat. it means that farmers will live. it means water everywhere.
it means puddles of water to play in. it means rain-holidays are possible when it pours down for a couple of days. it means so many things and so many more.
it means love.
it means life.
in a lot of indian movies the rain takes on a special significance. love songs, crucial revelations, climaxes are all very often shown on rainy days; or even with the characters in the rain. hell, hollywood used artificial rains in 'the matrix'.
thats the kind of impact that water droplets falling from the atmosphere can have.
and yet, there is another facet here that we rarely realize.

longing. yearning. a long wait.
a lot of these feelings are brought to the surface by rain too.
tears. a heavy heart. missing someone. missing everyone.
all feelings that come to us when we look at the water falling from the sky.

sadness.
we see it so often: the parting of lovers, the death scene - all shot during the rain.
for some reason our heart loses its self-control when the rain falls. it relates in some way, and barriers can fall.
and floods wash everything away..

amazing how simple cloudbursts can affect in myriad ways. and how we never associate one set with another.

amazing how this is true of so many things. and we never realize it.

ever.

laterz

hmmm.. it has been a while since i've gone off the deep end.

for the last few weeks, it has been very rare for me not to get frustrated/agitated/questioning/crazy; over something.
over anything.

so, if nothing else, this blog is dissipating my frustrations. it's helping me divert my mind.

the mind.
such an amazing thing.
there have been enough stats and forwards to have convinced everyone that their mind is truly amazing. that every human has a brain that they should be proud of.
that they should use.

and yet, a majority of us don't.
why do i say that ?
you forget. rather, you do not know.

i am in a PG course with similar people. people i interact with everyday. people i see working on their assignments, discussing problems, solving questions. i have been with students for a while now, and i am still wondering.
what the hell are these people doing ?

sound frustrated ? you'd better believe it.
i don't understand why some people must take the help of others, before they try it for themselves. why they must not even want to try. why they think that they cannot do something. why they give up before they even start.
why ?

we all have capacities: agreed. each one is better with certain facilities: agreed.
hence we all have mental limitations: disagree,disagree,disagree,disagree,disagree.

the mind is this amazing tool that can learn. something that so many of us forget. it succeeds, but you have to let it try first.
it's going to take longer ? that does not mean that it's not going to happen.
that one must impose mental sluggishness on an uberous implement, does not make sense to me.

that one must believe that something is impossible without analyzing is just not digestible.
that one must destroy one's confidence for no reason is unacceptable.

use your head. think. figure out.
heard of these words ?
apparently many of the creatures calling themselves humans existing on this planet haven't.

sheeesh.

and that means that i must help you. help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. and again. and again. and again.
one can ask the question: why i still do it ?

a simple answer is that i hope that my 'help' might just make them think. as all my help only consists of pointing you in the right direction. very very rarely do i actually do it.
and yet i spend a majority of my time doing other people's work for them.
i don't mind correcting work. that means that you've atleast tried.
but you won't even try, and you want me to sit with you to do everything ?

this is my policy when it comes to copyrights as well. you won't do work. but you will spend two hours copying out mine.
that sucks.
my work makes you think of something, and you go for exploring that ? by all means.
if possible, give me credit. you don't, and that only means that when i come across your work i will know. and i will lose a little more faith in humanity.
not a good thing.

i know that usually this kind of post comes under the category of [rant]…[/rant], but this is not a rant. this is a subject that i feel on.
and one i hope to do something about.

someday. everyday.

laterz

hmmm.. the blog has finally come where i reveal the truth..

*drum roll begins*

in my previous post, i had mentioned that i have not really given the reason for the title 'staying.cool'.
not that it really needs justification; but, the blog must justify calling it something.
other than the reason that its a very cool name for a blog, of course.

then why staying.cool ? why the period between the two names ? why not 'to the moon and back' or 'i am sev' ? or anything else ?
other than the reason that it was the only thing occurring to me at that moment, of course.
*drum roll continues, drummers getting a little tired*

life is weird.
i was getting completely frustrated, and was feeling absolutely bored with life; when i decided to put up this blog. of all things, i thought about simply occupying my time.
and so the blog was born.

i was going to randomly type in words and see where that took me. see what came out.
but the blog has managed to become so much more. my journey to self. to find others. to finally have a place that i can do anything, say anything, and have people reciprocate. understand. advise.
without knowing me. without needing to know me. barely having read me.
and yet they are there.
its amazing.
*drum roll growing discordant. drummers really wondering whether they have to continue for much longer*

that's still off the topic.
the title of this web page was something that i used to tell all my friends and family when they asked me how i was.
e.g. “how are you doing ?” “staying cool, [dad/mom/dude/babe/mortal enemy]”
and when i was setting this up, it occurred to me that my life, and that of most others, is generally about staying this way.
cool. happy. patient. understanding. wise. and so on.

besides this, i needed an outlet. so that i can remain cool.
it is one of the few qualities i have: remaining cool. and patient.
in any situation. using my head coolly to analyze. to understand. and then speak.
it was an extension of the philosophy that i tried to apply in my life. hence, a period between words.
or, at least, that's what i think.
*three drummers have dropped out, remaining trying to maintain peace. drumroll can barely be made out as of one set*

besides this i was recently moved from the swelter of mumbai, india to the relatively freezing location of aberdeen, scotland. so i was literally, cool.
*drummers give up. throw away drums and start looking for things to throw*

interestingly, its all come together, in some ways, due to this blog. i have met so many people, who have all contributed to my thinking. to the way i reason. to my writing.
[their links appear alongside]
i have managed to find facets that i did not know existed. or if they did, had not received expression.

and so many many other things, that i cannot remember, but are important to me all the same.
and so i continue to remain 'cool'
*drummers pick up anything they can find and come to kick the shit out of me*

laterz

hmmm.. my mind's blank.

completely empty. of ideas. of inspirations.
usually, i have some kind of idea of what to write about.

or at least something would have happened to make me think of something.
or some notes i would have made would help me decide what to write on.

but today - nothing.

damn it.
i'm not feeling anything. i don't having anything to say. i have nothing to comment on.
to talk about. to realise. to analyse.
it's like someone has wiped it all clean.

but i've done nothing new. seen my regular blogs. seen the news. done my normal work.
and i have nothing to talk about.
let's face it. i've even blogged about nothing.

then why write ?
because the minute i decide that 'no blog today', the motivation to blog is lost.
for me.
at least.

and so a post on thinking of nothing.
this augurs well.. i might do a post on thinking of something, of thinking about anything, on doing nothing, on doing something..
and so on.
i might even rename the blog - 'staying.nothing'.

that reminds me, i've not really justified the name, or the tagline.
but that's for another post. i don't want to spoil a perfectly good post on nothing.
consider that i've manged to ramble on for some 50 words without communicating anything.
except that i have nothing to post about today.
i am not too sure whether to continue on this track and risk getting taboo-ed…
but what the hell.

i'm still typing..
and nothing is still coming.
ever had one of those days when you feel dead on the inside ? when you are completely apathetic to anything happening. and cannot feel anything major ?

i'm feeling that way now.
and on that point i will stop. i have nothing left to say.

hopefully this will pass..

laterz